(no subject)

i don't know how to make this feeling go away

that my life is a train wreck

i don't get enough time with isaijah and i'm dying. it's killing me. i need him. he's only got a few precious months of preschool left AND I'M MISSING THEM before he's a big boy and gone all the time anyway. that is if he gets into the magnet. if he goes to a regular kindergarten i will have another year of half-days.

i want to be the one teaching him cool stuff. i want to be the one hanging out with him.

i told sam over and over this weekend that i want him to go to work and make the money and let me go back to being home. i just can't take it.

i feel like i am burning out and burning the candle at both ends.

i feel like there's no way this can work anymore. i am too stressed and the house is a FUCKING SHITHOLE MESS DISASTER and isaijah needs me and i can't do this anymore.

i can't do this i can't do this.

so i went to this destress your life workshop at the convention. and i'm supposed to be thinking in affirmations instead of negatives. so i'm supposed to say i'm a kickass project manager and i am very close with my son. and i am doing the right thing about kindergarten. instead of i can't do this.

whatever,

i can't do this.

the good times are killing me

i know you know this
but i really love modest mouse
a lot

i am usually a downloader, a burner, i rarely buy discs. but it is my mission to collect original discs of all of their stuff.

one of the things i like about modest mouse is that they have a large and varied body if work.

this weekend at tower they had a record on sale and i bought it:

this is a long drive for someone with nothing to think about.

love it. also i want to get:

the lonesome crowded west

and the new one, coming out next week

good news for people who love bad news.

gotta love those boys.